im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
