You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
