sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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