we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
