it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
