in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
