I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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