Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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