11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
