How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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