if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize