I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just crazy horny about you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
