Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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