All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He did a backflip because drugs
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