dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
