so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how drunk are you?
Several
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
