Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize