Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
