Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
