He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
