So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
