you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
