i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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