I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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