so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
