I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
