I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize