also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
