I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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