it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
