he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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