Sry I called you an 8
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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