He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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