I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
