Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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