Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
