we have pet lesbian snakes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize