im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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