Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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