Betty ford says i'm here all night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
