Whats the glycemic index on semen?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
