I am full of burrito and curiosity
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
