Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize