So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
