If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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