hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
