Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
