Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
