We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
