he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
