woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
