oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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