you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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