I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
