I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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