We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
