she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
kristin has been a bad kristin
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
