worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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