Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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