I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize