i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
