their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize