just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wear drunk well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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