I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
