i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
