Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
