Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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