Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
