just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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