I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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