She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The adults are the big ones right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
