turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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