Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
