At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
