Only a mothe r could love this liver
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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