watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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