Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
