and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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