I could have mohawked her pubes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
