I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
