Just fell off a train. Bad.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
