dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
