There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
