somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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