My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
