I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
