is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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