Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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