I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
