i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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