grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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