Having a random hookup so left but love u
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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