I faked an abortion last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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