You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
