sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
