yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
