I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize