Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
