how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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