You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
