First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
